Are you happy?
In a state of survival, we don’t ask if we’re happy, we’re making it somehow.
Forcing ourselves to be happy can be a great burden and another mental load of things we think we need to do and be so we feel something different than we feel right now.
At the same time, we might not have the courage to take the risk to also feel pain and grief as a byproduct of changing one’s life even if for good reasons, clearer intentions, and brighter visions.
Also being human is not it’s A OR B and there is nothing in between.
When people ask me how I am, I sometimes don’t know what to answer. I feel grateful and excited for life and also deeply exhausted by the past months of functioning creatively under high pressure.
Listening to each other and giving space to express, so once we express we can actually feel it - not just think about it. Where do we feel tired in our physical bodies? How does mental exhaustion feel in terms of the quality of thoughts? What is the emotional capacity we have?
Slow the fuck down.
In Zurich and probably in many places on Planet Earth, I see a false hope for a better future by doing more (faster) and feeling less until miraculously the day comes we suddenly do things differently. It’s like not thinking in dynamic terms that life plays out. And also forgetting the nuances and bridges we’re building and burning. Passages. Honoring transitions.
Changes in life happen constantly. Someone asked me some weeks ago where I see myself in 10 years. I have no clue. I couldn’t have predicted the way I live in the past. So how would I even know what the future will be?
As changes happen anyway - if we want or not, if we dislike or like - how can we bring a more ceremonial aspect to it? We’re not machines. Are you aware of that? Look at the Planet. Nothing is constantly only one thing. We’re here in a human experience that is very much like a river that flows - sometimes faster, sometimes slower, sometimes there is a thunderstorm and then there is the sun dancing on the surface of the water. Cycles. Seasons. Passages. Metamorphosis.
We undergo many shifts just in a day. And I don’t necessarily mean having crazy emotional ups and downs - it’s good to have tools, practices, and routines that help you manage your own system so that you can stay as centered as possible. And even that will fail at times. But the constant need to feel something specific - well it’s maybe just not very realistic no matter how many gratitude journals you fill.
My attitude towards life is gratitude, love, appreciation and I love to have fun and enjoy. I want to go on daily adventures and meet life with curiosity. It’s an assumption that many have that the constant traveling is that I’ve missed during this crazy 1,5 years since I’m back.
I know many mean it in a compassionate way but they don’t realize it’s not that, they don’t realize that I feel exhausted because I fucking had a crazy ride, lots of risks, very little security, and a shit ton of flexibility and trust when it did not look that well. So yeah, I don’t necessarily need “good meant” assumptions to make me feel better or some spiritual bla bla, I’d appreciate more safe spaces where we say that it sucked and was not easy and can I be tired? Be tired and still be capable of holding spaces? Creating ceremonial spaces?
When we transition from one point in life - we often forget to grief and celebrate. It’s both important. There can be easy rituals that you can implement.
I’ll give you a few examples that I’ve done:
-In April I left my creative space and the week before that I’ve done a ceremonial week with private ceremonies and the day I handed the keys over, I’ve smudged the place, danced, had cacao, went to my fave bakery, and enjoyed the space one more time.
-I write a lot of letters if people are included in my transitions, some I send, some I keep, some I burn.
-When I broke up with my boyfriend 4 years ago, we took a bottle of wine, a package of cigarettes, and Keaton Henson Playlist, sitting on a heel, looking over Zurich, crying, and just being in the space of grief - saying goodbye.
Honoring transitions means not simply rushing from point one to point two because you know how many journeys and adventures you’ve been going on just from point 1 to point 2? Many. So how can you honor what was? How can there be more space for grief and for gratitude?
Take a moment today to tune in and feel what you’re still carrying around you. What haven’t you been celebrating? How can you honor more the present moment and quality time you spend with great humans, appreciate the beauty of nature as you walk, right here and now?
We forget that every moment will eventually pass.
I want to live life without constantly rushing but also at the same time remembering that I could die at any given moment.
You’re allowed to feel exhausted and also celebrate life at the same time.