I am not sure what's happening for you but I've been on a crazy internal and external journey since July.
I've realised the ways I trick myself to be okay with things that just do not feel right. What is the illusion in front of your eyes that you walk through life? What do you hope for?
But if you'd be honest, you'd actually give yourself the advice you'd give your close friend: "Let it go. The reality is different than the hope for what c o u l d be.
It's not an easy process. It feels a bit like dying. Your concepts and ideas of life die. You might disappoint some people and get yourself with an inhale into a very unknown, new and uncomfortable position but as you exhale you also feel more true to yourself, your heart and the truth within.
It's interesting how much we try to make things fit including our thoughts, relationships, people, work, habits, place we live - that just do not feel right. No matter how good or bad they look or are rationally explainable.
If it doesn't resonate with your core, why can't this be a more natural response than turning no's into wanna be maybe's with yeses that are actually not in stock?
So for me this is how I follow my heart - I am as honest with myself as I can. And damn, trust me, it's really not always easy. It takes a big leap what feels over a giant lava bubbling volcano, not knowing if I will burn myself or someones energetic basement.
But I trust, that if this is the pure voice from within my heart, I have to do it. This is a promise I gave myself in July 2017. That n matter what, if I am not in my flow and I don't trust my flow but make choices based on fear and concepts that will give me a false idea of safety, then this is not in alignment with how I personally want to live.
If someone wants that, fine. Like at this point, if it does not restrict my choices for myself and it does not really harm anyone (creating discomfort for others or accidentally opening their basement with dead corps is not harming in my opinion), then live the way you want to live. It truly is your life. Your soul will know for what it came. We're all on our journey and receiving the lessons that we need to have in order to full fill our souls purpose.
And it is up to you to choose to become radially honest and clear about what you want, don't want and how much those things are in alignment with your thoughts, actions, choices and the time and energy you spend with and on.
If you have an overall intention for your life and how you want to live it and spend your time, then that is the compass for you to make your choices. It all gets harder and in the same time easier.
Once the dead corps are moved out of the basement.