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January has been a long year already

There is a certain pressure that I feel from inside myself to meet the expectations of who I should be as a space holder, yoga teacher, business owner, daughter, grand-daughter, friend,..

We all have this in some way or another and whatever I share in my ceremonies and writings it steems from my own experience and me sitting with certain questions and their answers.

At some point I stopped sharing too detailed personal things because so many family members (close and not so) started following me online but also because people I don’t know well or at all in personal life, love giving tips, sharing inspiration and resources when one feels down.

Yesterday I’ve read something very interesting - that having this saviour complex also steems from feeling in power when helping someone. The thing is - unoslisticed advice makes the other person feel worse, not better. Can we have more trust in the people around us and their capacity? Honestly most people ain’t too confused or anything to think for themselves and look for solutions to their challenges. Maybe those solutions are not always what we would choose but why do we even think we know better for someone else?

Sometimes good intented tips can actually be harmful because nowadays everyone seems to be an expert in anything. Even Ceremonial Cacao is not for everyone - no matter if we speak from a physical level or mental, emotional and energetic. People forget that sometimes and overload themselves with medicines - no matter if a medicine is herbal or alatrophic - the question is what is the root of it?

And sometimes there is no answer to it and it’s not all childhood trauma. We can hold things that are maybe given in some way or another from our ancestors and I often feel even so called spiritual people often cross boundaries when try to suggest you healing methods and limited beliefs you haven’t worked yet with.

We have to trust ourselves and each other more and accept that everything takes the time we need. Could be faster, could be slower but why judging someones process? Online spaces should be treated more like living rooms - you wouldn’t shit in someones actual living room, so don’t do in a virtual space either. Boundaries should be respected online and offline - especially in times where we seem to be living virtually a lot.

Currently what’s coming up for me is a bit heavy - I feel a bit frozen and stuck. And I know that with my thoughts things get worse and yet there is sometimes phases where I can’t lift myself out of it easly and I do feel more hopeless and in despair. Can this also be okay? I guess yes, this keeps us more human and empathic when we’re riding a high wave and recommend someone to “JUST” do this and that to feel better. In a way the human life is simple but also very complex :)) guess this is the duality of the human experience.

The way I experience the closing down of the studios and another lockdown until the end of February feels heavy this time around. During the 2nd press conference at the beginning of January I just had a osteo treatment before that and my amazing ostepath Antonin said that my general physical body is relaxed - more than usually but that my belly is very tense. When Berset said that we’re most likely moving into another lockdown and the studios have to remain closed probably until the end of February I bursted out in tears.

Feels like my heart was breaking and all the stress around re-organising everything and uncertainity on many levels (I realised in different ways I feel safe and stable doing my ceremonies) has just surfaced and was ready to be released.

I had a really good cry and had to calm myself as breathing was difficult. Then the second time around after the last press conference I was siting in public transport focussing on not crying in the tram - and it’s not that in the outside I look somehow crazy or I don’t manage my day to day task at all anymore but these stuff still feels shaky and not easy to take especially as a self-employed person and someone that choose a way to live where I don’t get too much authority from others over what I can or not.

Seems like living life when is challenging is a dance between knowing when to comfort yourself and when to create a safe space to feel the discomfort.

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